Low Key, No Key

So I don't get a key to the office. It took me an entire week and a half to find this out.

First of all, the process is absurd. It required signatures from three different people, AND online safety training. Tracking down three separate people is really hard when they all have work to do and none of it includes signing your silly little form, girl.

Really, the only problem was the last guy. From what I could tell, he was the go-to facilities manager. I visited his office twice a day. Sometimes the lights would be on, sometimes off, sometimes his door would even be open. Not once was he there. My graduate student sent him an email. Two emails. Emailed someone else, who replied with his cell phone number.

Today, on my way to the first floor to get signal to call the number, I decided to stop by his office one more time. Hallelujah!

I walked in with a meek knock on the door. He stared at me. "Are you Mr. Kenyon?" I asked. Without replying, he saw the form I was holding and held out his hand for it. I gave it to him.

In silence, he flipped through the form, opened a program on his computer and entered me into the system in silence (except to ask, "Is that a d?" in my name; it was very clearly a d). He then got up, unlocked a file cabinet full of key hooks, and started rummaging through it.

For twenty minutes. I kid you not. He did not speak to me for this entire time, just mumbled to himself. I couldn't discern any of it, but I think some of it was numbers.



I played on my phone. I sat in the nearest chair. I continued to play on my phone, casting furtive looks in his direction when I'd been sitting there for more than ten minutes. He kept looking at his binder, back to the keys, touching this key or that key, muttering.

Someone else came in, an older man much like himself, leaned against the doorjamb and looked into the filing cabinet with him. In silence. Just stared. So now I had two strangers staring into a filing cabinet full of keys while I sat awkwardly in the corner with my phone (which I wasn't actually doing anything with because I was in the basement and therefore had neither wireless nor mobile data). He took the binder back to the desk. The man left with a short "See ya later Bob" and a short "Yup" as a response from my host.

He continued to look at the binder at his desk. I waited a few minutes, and piped up, "I only need a key for F7." He looked at me and grumbled, "Yes, but there are some keys something something something" I don't actually know what he said.

To his credit, he turned away someone wanting his help and sent his friend on a phone call errand just so he could stay and help me find a key. As it turned out, after approximately 30 minutes, he did not have one for me. He said he could have one ordered. It would come in a few weeks.

I thanked him kindly for his time and asked him to notify me when it came. He kept my forms for reference and waved my gratitude away with a grunted "Yup", then turning to the gentleman who had come in after me.

So I don't get a key. For several weeks. This will be an inconvenience.

In the meantime, I picked up two half-gallons of milk at 7-11 as well as a bag of Goldfish (which I have already eaten 3/4 of), and a pre-made meal of Cajun Veggie Stew with Louisiana Rice at this awesome hippie coffee shop that sells a lot of random food things. The middle-aged hippie lady who checked me out was nodding her head earnestly to the beat of the song on the loudspeakers, which just so happened to be "Get Low." The image of that is still funny to me.

Then we went shopping at Wegman's, and I finally have the ingredients to make veggie chili! I will be adding tofu. And next time I go, I want raspberries. (But not for the chili. That would be strange.)

I called a taxi service to pick me up tomorrow to take me to my riding lesson (which is my transportation solution until I can find someone at the barn to carpool with). But my dorm....doesn't have an address? So the guy on the phone said, "What's the address we're picking you up at?" And I was like "Uhhhh."

I was walking out of work at the time. Under pressure and mentally flailing, I happened to turn and see the address of the building I worked at printed on the wall. I sputtered it into the phone and quickly tried to calculate what time I would have to be picked up before sputtering that out, too. He didn't seem flustered by my fluster.

So now I'm leaving from work, which means extra thought for me in the morning. I won't have time to come back home, so I will have to bring EVERYTHING. My first thought was to wear my breeches and colorful boot socks to work but I quickly realized that would be silly both as a matter of practicality and workplace fashion.

Also I have Mio. Which I adore. I'm going to buy a Cornell water bottle on my way to work tomorrow, and I shall fill it with Mio water and it shall be wonderful.

Little bit nervous for riding. But also super excited!