The Future

I sit on a Peoria Charter shuttle, buckled in neatly and surrounded by napping companions, as the sky outside looks much, much, much too dark for 6pm. My laptop is the brightest thing in the shuttle. The driver never looks away from the road, the GPS screen to his right showing us to be a blue triangle moving slowly up Route 57. 70mph, of course, is not slow. But it feels like it.

Tomorrow morning I will be flying to Austin, Texas, for my first graduate school visit. I'm very excited. And nervous. And skeptical. And excited.

It hits me at certain moments how potentially important this visit is. Not that UT Austin is extremely high on my list--and Bryce hasn't yet been accepted there--but just that where I choose to go to graduate school will be a place I will stay for 6 years. It should feel like home. And 6 years is a lot of time for things to go very wrong. These visits, my only glimpses into what a place feels like rather than looks like, will probably be a central factor in my decision. After all, what good is going to a good school if you're absolutely miserable there?

Speaking of good schools, I got accepted to Cornell for graduate school this past week. (!!) My first choice, and a very prestigious place to get accepted. (Stanford rejected me today. But screw those guys, right?) I've had a couple of people ask if that's where I'll be going. I always replied, "Bryce hasn't been accepted there yet, so we're waiting to hear back." And everyone seemed pretty okay with that.

You know when you have arguments with people in your head? You imagine defending yourself, or one of your viewpoints, to someone who is patently wrong or accusatory? You stand in the shower imagining yourself on the O'Reilly Show, chewing Bill out on Islamaphobia and immigration issues. You imagine a conversation with one of your friends where you attempt to tell him how much he's changed, and not for the better. Will these dialogues ever happen? Eh. Maybe. (But even if they do, they often end up nothing like you imagined them.)

The argument I've been fighting with imaginary people in my head lately is defending my decision to only go to a graduate school where Bryce has also been accepted. If he does not get into Cornell, I will not go to Cornell. Is it my dream school? Yes. Does it have a good program? Yes. Are there professors I'd like to work with there? Yes. Is the stipend good? Yes.

Is any of this worth being separated from Bryce for years? No.

When I look back and consider exactly how much my priorities have changed in just a few short years... A few years ago I would have killed to go to Cornell. Now, my priorities just aren't oriented that way. Certain things come first (like my happiness). Certain people come first (like Bryce--significantly, directly related to my happiness). Thinking about graduate school in the grand scheme of my life, it's actually a very, very small part. I will have completed a bachelor's degree in physics from one of the top public university physics programs in the country. I've taken courses in journalism and french, been published in magazines, pierced my nose, run a half-marathon and a sprint triathlon, I've studied abroad, I've fallen in love and I've lived in an apartment for the first time. I've ridden more horses than I'd ever seen before coming to college, and I've made friends I never would have expected to know so well. I've developed as a leader and as a student, and am more self-aware about my abilities and potential than I have ever been before.

So: Cornell, or University of Washington?

In the grand scheme of things...the question seems almost silly.
(I'll still hold my breath for his Cornell acceptance. <3)